I haven’t written in weeks, months even. I haven’t written my goals down in a long time, but I just accomplished one that I’ve been working on for years. You can live your life day to day and still be getting closer to your dreams. Believe it or not but cleaning your house on a Saturday, is a part of working toward your aspirations.
For years I’ve been lost in frustration about how incredibly long the process of accomplishing my goals are. I have so many and I have always been inpatient about acquiring them. And I get so focused on what I still need to do, that I forget completely to look back and acknowledge what I’ve already done. For example, I have an amazing job that challenges me, teaches me new things all the time, which I got my Associate’s degree and Certificate to acquire. Not to mention was chosen, out of 50 other applicants for. But after all that work I saw it as a small step in the right direction, not the amazing accomplishment that it actually is.
If you cannot appreciate the teeny tiny steps toward each goal, as well as the actual goal itself it will make the entire process a lot less satisfying. It sounds cheesy because you hear it all the time but you have to appreciate the journey. I had it in my head that I needed to be writing my dreams down every day, and setting a schedule every morning in order to make headway toward them. But that’s not always true. Just working, taking care of my kids, and saving 5 dollars here and there whenever I could is what actually got me to my most recently achieved goal. Don’t get me wrong, keeping a schedule is important to stay on track, and of course it helps you to understand where you’re headed if you write down your goals and look at them often because it gets you in the productive mind state. But the real work is in those seconds that you think fly by without notice. That 5 dollars you could have spent but hid away from yourself. Those 15 minutes you used to jot down an idea for your next blog/ social media post. Those 30 minutes after work that you spent tidying up so the house wouldn’t be a complete mess by the weekend. That extra tiring day at work that you could have understandably slacked off on, but still gave 100%. Those 10 seconds you took to show your significant other appreciation for their hard work. Those 10 minutes you took to read your kids a book before bed.
Each and every moment, while they do fly by in an instant, all add up to what you desire in life. Do you want to have a good relationship with your SO? Seize that moment to show them you see their effort. You want to save for that new car? Put that 5 dollars away every time you have it. You want your children to grow up to love books? Take the time to read to them a couple nights a week. You want your house to be semi-clean by the weekend so you don’t have to spend your entire Saturday cleaning it? Take a few minutes after work to pick up. You want to remember the great ideas you have for blog posts? Prioritize even a few minutes to write some things down so you don’t forget it.
One of my all time favorite movie quotes is from Cloud Atlas when one of the antagonists tells one of the heroes, “No matter what you do it will never amount to anything more than a single drop in a limitless ocean.” And his response is utter brilliance, “What is an ocean but a multitude of drops?”
Each second of your day is but a moment of your entire life. And how you spend each second creates your life. Take those vital seconds and spend them wisely and consciously because they all add up to something: your future.

• 

I have tried to avoid bringing this up but with how many negative things being circulated right now on the news and social media – media in general, I feel I have to speak about it.

We are all in this together.

You have different opinions than I do and thats okay. You have a different point of view from literally every other person in your life and every other person you have encountered. It’s natural and a part of life.

We each live and think and love differently than everyone else. But we are all here together.

If you can’t agree with someone, if you can’t love or like someone then that’s okay. You can still keep them in your life.

I’ll say it again; we are all here together. We are all living on this earth together, until we die.

AND

We are all completely and utterly different from any other person. We may have similar traits, similar likes/dislikes/ or similar points of view, but we are all unique.

Why then are so many people incapable of accepting or even just respectfully and silently tolerating people who are different from them?

If difference is the norm than why as a society have we been struggling with it for so long? Accepting each other and embracing one another even though our views don’t perfectly align is actually a good thing. If we were all the same then we’d never grow, never connect and never change.

And if you surround yourself with only people who are similar to you and, ex communicate anyone who is different, then your views and way of life are never challenged. You never have a chance to see anything through someone else’s eyes.

We are all in this together. You can have vastly different views from someone and still maintain a relationship with them. It’s impossible to always agree so eliminating people from your life because of it, will one day leave you all alone.

Accepting and embracing one another despite our differences is one of the keys to life. If you didn’t know it already then go ahead and unlock the door, you’ll find on the other side a very simple truth; we are all in this together.

• 

When I was a young girl I couldn’t wait to tell people my goals and dreams when I grew up. I was so excited about my future, partially because my past had been so dark, that I imagined a beautiful and extravagant life for myself. I loved to write and loved music so my first dream was to sing, mostly so that I could write songs. The first people I told about this smiled and laughed a little at first, then looked me in the face and explained to me how unrealistic and unachievable this was. My first reaction was a feeling of foolishness. The way they said it suggested I must not be very intelligent if I had ever truly thought it was something I could do. When I told my Mom, I remember vividly we were in the car and her response was, “Well that will take a lot of hard work and practice.” She said it matter-of-factly, in an ever so slightly cavalier tone. I caught it and felt like she didn’t believe I could put the work in. She didn’t follow up with questions of how we could go about it, or asked me if it was something I really wanted to do. She just made a statement and a judgment about it and left it at that. This hurt my feelings and because I was dependent on other people’s opinion of me, I dropped it. I still wrote, and still held the dream of writing but didn’t tell many people after that. And I even stopped admitting it to myself.

A few years go by and I was well into middle school, close to freshman year in high school and was writing to help cope with the negative emotions bubbling from my traumatic early childhood. I was writing poetry – very dark and terribly depressing poetry might I add. But I had a gift and every one of my literature teachers continued to tell me as much, through middle and high school. I started to form another, clearer version of my goal: I wanted to be a published writer. I wanted this as my career. I don’t remember specifically who it was but I do remember how it made me feel: Foolish. Yet again, I went to an adult and told them this dream of mine. To which they responded that it’s not a reliable or lucrative career choice and not something I could or should do with my life. More of like a fun side gig/hobby but not something a respectable and successful adult did full time. Yet again, I was so discouraged and sick with myself for believing I could do something which apparently was not worthy of spending too much time on, that I hid and suppressed this dream as well. And as the years went by, and I lost focus and made worse and worse choices, I let that dream die.

Then about a year before I got pregnant with my first son, I had an encounter with a beautiful human. His name is Kenny Sparks. And he used to run a program that paid youth to study for and get their GED. I did not graduate high school and as I got closer to the age of 18 I knew that in order to get a job, and support myself that I needed a certain level of education even for entry level jobs. My first call to him was short and sweet. He told, show up this day and this time and he was going to give me a check every week for 3 months and at the end of those 3 months, I’d have my GED. Well not only did this happen but at the end of the 3 months he enrolled and registered me for classes at the local community college. He was the only person thus far who had not only believed in me and what I was capable of, but told me every single day that I saw him. I owe so much to this wonderful, selfless man. And one day I will repay him with a full expense paid vacation to wherever the heck he wants.

So, fast forward a few months, I’m in college, deep into a literature class and I let that spark of being a writer and published author, come back. I tell people that I want to obtain an English degree and immediately the backlash began again; “There’s not much you can do with just an English degree, unless you want to become a teacher.” In my young, innocent and frankly ignorant mind, I just wanted the effin knowledge of those many many english/lit courses. I just wanted to use them to refine my writing skills and get me to my goal: published author. But yet again, I let other people put out the fire inside me and so I decided on a different major, still interesting to me, but not my true calling and real passion. Shortly after I was surprised at the young age of 19 to discover I was pregnant. All of my dreams were put on hold so that I could be the best person and Mother to the child I had created.

It was rocky and I made mistakes – what 19-year-old doesn’t? But I had my son at 20 and put time and effort into his wellbeing and furthering myself in order to provide a good life for him. This time, although I let another person put my dreams on hold, it was for a very important reason: a baby, a human, living creature that I brought into this world. A year or so goes by and I do a lot of work to further my education, my mental health and my income. I made serious changes in my life in order to become overall healthier for my son. Eventually through therapy I gained a true sense of self and identity. I had always identified myself for how others saw me and how I could give my time and energy to another. Having a son put all my focus and attention on him, which inadvertently forced me to leave two very abusive relationships, so I’m thankful for that. However, after much healing I realized I was defining my self-worth with how much time and energy I put into being a Mom for my son Niko. I had all the best intentions but it was creating a different problem and killing any dreams or goals I had for myself. Therapy showed me that I can be a great Mother but also have my own self-worth and identity outside of that very important job.

Fast forward a few more years, another baby boy and a few more accomplishments and I’m here at this table writing. I admitted to myself about a year ago what my biggest dreams were and I wrote them down. Then I started actively pursuing them. I want to be a published writer. I want to do what I love for a living: write. And I want to make a lot of money doing it. Enough to give my family, extended family and friends the life they deserve. I literally have dreams of taking my children and ALL their cousins to Disney Land one day. I also have similar dreams of taking my siblings and parents on a vacation someplace warm AND pay for a babysitter to watch all of our kids at home while we go. I have big audacious goals like this and I cannot believe I spent so many years ashamed of having them. Of fighting my aching want to write and spread positivity throughout the world with my words. I’m done feeling shame for not spending every second with my kids so I can chase this dream to not only help others but spontaneously take my family on a trip to another country just for fun. I want to give people knowledge and positive substantial information and I want to do that and make enough to give my family experiences they deserve.

Maybe I went a little too in-depth trying to prove this point, but I needed to illustrate to you how long and how often I let other people literally decide my future. Why those babysitters decided to crush my dream of writing songs and singing them? I don’t know, but I made the mistake of listening to them. Why did my Mom not fully support every single one of my dreams as a child no matter how ridiculous? I’m sure it was out of love and wanting to protect me, but it was my decision to let it discourage me. Why did I let perfect strangers tell me that becoming an author or getting an English degree wouldn’t get me any where in life? I have no stinkin’ idea, but it’s on me for letting those strangers decide what was best for me and how to plan my life, and ultimately what my goals and passion in life should be.

I know what’s best for myself and what my calling is. It took several years to pinpoint exactly what it was and find the steps to take to get there but I have always in my heart known that I need to write. Even if it was just for myself, just to get my published word out there in the world. Even from some of my earliest memories, I have known I wanted to write and had such an intense passion and even a gift for writing. You have a dream too. Whatever it may be, you decide if you act on it and do something with it. I’m not saying you have to aggressively attack it like entrepreneur Rachel Hollis (if you’ve never heard of her please go look her up – she is an inspiration to behold). And I’m not saying you have to get it done or know exactly what it is right now, but I am saying that you deserve to at the very least pursue it. Please don’t waste any time listening to people who to tell you not to.

Most people don’t guess, or should I say judge, that I’ve been through very much in my life. I’m fair enough looking, not extra beautiful or anything. I dress moderately enough and present myself simply and respectfully enough. I’m always kind and polite and can be very quiet and professional when I need to be. From the surface I look very normal and average, however if you look a little deeper or get to know me better you will find that I’ve seen a lot in my lifetime for only 26 years old.

Because of the many households I lived in and the different people I experienced growing up, I learned acceptance and resiliency at an extremely young age. I wouldn’t have survived long or happily if I hadn’t, so it wasn’t really a choice. Being around such vastly different people and living in households with different parenting styles, disciplining techniques, and just basic views and morals I learned to accept difference and change. Rather than shy away from, or be uncomfortable with differences I learned to have a fascination with them. And in combination with my ability to strive on after severe trauma, abuse and neglect, I have gained a unique perception of life.

I have seen how ugly and cruel the world is and how awful people can be, but yet I have endless empathy and love for others so much so that my life long goal is to help as many people as I can. I have also seen how different people can be, even ones who live in the same place, look alike or even have the same parents, and I appreciate the utter beauty in these differences. When I look at a person, I see the DNA and the environment that DNA grows in. I see nature and nuture and the infinite possibilities of the combination of the two, which is astounding to me. So I revel in and enjoy the fact that no two people are the same, therefore no two views or ideas can be the same.

Both of these learned perceptions together have caused me to be unsure and skeptical of everything. This can have it’s faults (I’m very indecisive and need reassurance about things I already know). However, mostly it just allows me to see that there is more than one or two or three (and on and on) sides to every story/person/place/thing/idea/experience/etc. I question and research and look into every peice of information I’m given and even then, I understand that after all that work, I could still be completely wrong about what I think.

I have not encountered many people with this same view of the world. I’ve met a few like minded individuals but they’ve been rare and very few. With the social media storm and how easy it is to share information (mindless or not) I would have thought the opposite would be true. However, it seems that people are set in their views and easily outraged when they encounter information that does not align perfectly with them.

It can be quite unsettling to live in constant wonder and skepticism, and likely is one cause of my anxiety. However it would be much more unsettling (for me) to be so absolutely and completely sure of any one thing that I dismiss any other information or worse don’t even look for it. I would rather live with being unsettled, and forever borderline about everthing because the risk of possibly closing my mind to more knowledge and understanding is much greater than that of my bruised ego wanting to be right.

I choose to be fluid with life and the flow of information, rather than be someone it dies with. To me nothing is certain which means every piece of information I can take in with my senses is an opportunity for growth.

“We hate you in the best way” she said batting her eyelashes and puckering her lips together in an odd grin.

I had no response so I just smiled politely and continued on doing what I originally went there to do.
Now I know this sounds negative ( to post on a positive media blog ), but hear me out.

I work in an office full of women, and so naturally clothes and shoes came up. Somewhere in the midst of the conversation one mentioned how the other secretly hates me. I was confused and while laughing nervously I asked why.
“Oh you’re just so young and skinny.” she said as the others nodded in agreement.
“Yeah but, we hate you in the best way.”

Okay. Ladies, if you work with other ladies (I’m sure you do) there is no “best way” to hate someone. Joking about it is not cute or amusing. If you are jealous of another person, then as a responsible and mature (I hope) adult, find exactly what it is you’re jealous about and do something for yourself to succeed in whatever way it is that makes you envious of them.
Why must there be so much rivalry and hate within an office work place? Especially among women. I swear I’m navigating through an absurd adult version of high school. Absurd because didn’t we all learn through experience how terrible high school can be when we do these things to each other? Yet every day, office spaces across America continue to operate in the same way.

My patience and level of empathy for others is in-measurable so of course I continue to be polite, helpful and kind. However, my respect for these grown women is chipped away at each day they are unpleasant and cruel. For some I would imagine it would affect their mood, and ability to work and even their want to work there at all. But I am the master of resiliency and because I love my job and where I work, their actions have no affect on my overall day. I will admit that at times I am left in amazement and at others I truly want to cry but within an hour I’m over it and remembering what a statement that makes about THEIR character.

Ladies, let’s lift each other and love each other for our differences. Let’s work together and share our secrets and life hacks. Let’s help each other get ahead, guide and mentor each other. Let’s check each other when we need it and praise one another when we deserve it. We are not in competition, we are in this together. Ladies we’re all lovely and it’s time to show and share it.

A little bit of jealousy can be a good thing depending on what a person does with it. Because it may push or inspire someone to work towards something they want. However, holding onto it and using it to justify being awful is not okay. Neither is jokingly and passively aggressively telling a co worker you hate them in the “best way”.
This is a lesson in how we allow emotions to affect us. I get jealous of others, but you know what I do? I look deeply into why. And then when I have the answer I do something, I set a goal, I create a reminder in my phone, I schedule a time or create a schedule to obtain what I want that they have.

Some things are simply not attainable though, in which case, see my last post.

I’m often caught in the midst of accepting and loving myself or striving for unattainable perfection in everything that I do. In some ways it can be good to hold myself up to a high standard and strive to be a better version of myself. However, at times I let it overpower the reality of what I’m actually capable of doing.

Recently though, I’ve been aiming for simply being genuine.

I define this as being honest, real and raw. I try to uphold good moral standing and work my hardest because that’s all I can do. I’m incapable of perfection and beating myself up about that is counter productive. And turns out – being genuine is something I’m really great at because I’m full of empathy and always have been. A huge part of being genuine is caring about and being true to yourself and the ones around you.

Feel and be real.

If anything, just be you. Be the best version of yourself as often as you can and give yourself grace when you can’t get it right every time. Working hard and doing your best (whatever that may be, because it varies within each person) always outshines all the other things. If you can lay down at night and say to yourself, “I did my best today” then you’re succeeding.

There are nights I lay down and there’s a pile of laundry on the couch, dinner plates left out on the table and kids crying in their bed but I can always say that I’ve tried my hardest. Some days are simply a lot more challenging than others and you have to spend more time making sure your kids eat dinner, than cleaning it up after. Or actually washing the clothes so they are clean, then folding them too. Or following through on house rules and letting them cry about it than caving and giving them what they want. {Or doing the opposite because, girl, you need to pick your battles with these little gremlins}.

It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s okay to be nervous, it’s okay to feel like you have a lot less together than that girl on Facebook with the stunning photos and seemingly perfect life {it’s not that perfect, that’s just makeup and lighting and highlights of her greatest moments only}.

Just do your best and be truly genuine while doing it. Feel and be real.

I want to fill a piece of your life with something bright.

Why?

Because you deserve to have real, genuine and POSITIVE content at your fingertips.

Because I want to create substantial, meaningful media for the world to consume.

I have a vision of what media can be and what it can do for a person, and I feel like the media available today is not hitting that mark. I’m here to make sure that it does.

I’m new to blogging but I plan to cover a whole myriad of topics, as long as they are positive and inspiring. If successful, I will have helped at least one person by bringing happy and healthy content to look at and learn from. I’m no expert on the subject, but I do believe with all my heart that the media world could use more of it.

                Being positive isn’t a gift given at birth, it’s a choice you make in every moment. And it’s a hard choice a lot of the time. Unfortunate, unplanned things happen to us in life that we must deal with and in those moments, we still need to choose to be positive because the negativity can swallow us up. I think we are so used to dealing with tragedy due to our personal experience in it and witnessing it happen to friends and loved ones that we’re comfortable with it. The news, journalism, and social media are riddled with stories that play on our strongest emotions; anger and sadness. Being surrounded by such negativity daily, not to mention if you work in the job field I do (victim assistance), as well as dealing with personal issues, it can become too much to handle.

                I believe the published and public word have a certain responsibility to the truth and to the health of our society. If we are surrounded by negativity sooner or later it will affect us in a way that shapes our thinking and eventually our habits. If so much of what circulates in the media we consume brings out our strongest and most negative emotions it can be exhausting. That energy we’re using to process adverse things can be better spent on positive productivity and growth. I understand there are natural occurring things that happen and there’s truly no good spin to put on it. And I also understand that we have a right to know what is happening in the world, good or bad. However, there is a clear line I think the media world has been crossing, into being obviously unhealthy to the general public.

                I want to do what has never been done before. I want to have a space in all media outlets that create only positive and informative content for people to consume. And I’m talking every single avenue of media. A blog, and website, social media pages like facebook, twitter, Instagram, tic tok, and more, as well as a magazine, books, shows and movie documentaries, news channels, journalism and publishing companies, podcasts and even advertising. I want to make a positive space in every single media outlet available to the public. People need a refreshing new meaning of the word “Media” because what’s out there dominating that world right now is not positive and most of it is not meaningful.